x9 (killer kows from outer space)

Alright. I have a personal beef against cows (pardon the pun). And not just cows, but bovines in general.

Let me start by saying that I have always disliked buffalo. They are large and they will squish you. One of my worst nightmare scenarios is camping in Yellowstone Park and waking up to be surrounded by a herd of buffalo waiting to trample me. And everything I have seen about bovines on Nat Geo, Animal Planet, and Discovery Channel supports my theory that bovines are evil. I was just watching Untamed and Uncut (a show on Animal Planet about animals killing/maiming people), and they had a clip about the University of Colorado mascot. It was a buffalo. Get this: they had it attached to a harness and would walk it out onto the field to boost morale. Dumb much? Of course, it got loose and trampled people.

Now, here’s the coup de gras: there is a Nat Geo documentary that details killer bovines in Africa. Turns out, bovines are extremely intelligent, which is not something most Americans realize because when bovines are domesticated, they get dumbed down. Water buffalo have been known to reverse the hunter/hunted role: if a lioness attacks the buffalo and the buffalo can get away, it will run ahead of the lion stalking it. While the lion is following the trail of the buffalo, the buffalo doubles back and kills the lion. It gets better – buffalo have been known to attack lion prides who have not provoked them because they are able to recognize that the lion will attack them in the future. Recently, buffalo have been known to hunt humans as well.

Now, here’s where it gets scary.

There is a recorded case of unique hunting behavior near an African animal testing facility. The water buffalo were held in captivity and administered painful treatments by white scientists, and were cared for and fed by black menial workers. When the buffalo were released back into the wild, the buffalo in the surrounding area began hunting exclusively white persons. If presented with a group of white and black tourists or hunters, they would only attack the white people and would leave the black people alone.

Cows are evil.

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