x102 (owl’s lament)

I baked a pie today
“Little Suzie Homemaker”, they say
Tears were gliding down my face
Dark thoughts invading my sacred space
“Did he tough me there,” I wondered
The feeling in my gut, it thundered
“That has to be what happened
You don’t feel this way from laughin’ ”
Happy childhoods don’t produce
Feelings of dread wrapped tight like a noose
The nightmares and the questions loom
That phone conversation was my doom
I wish you never told me “maybe”
I wish I never suspected it happened when I was a baby
That nightmare was the starting point
Feeling high, like rolling a joint
I thought the height, it came from fear
But it could be you are delusional, dear
So they’ll just write it off as “Crazy”
I won’t bake pies, I’ll just be lazy
Hurt because you didn’t call
Never going to explain at all
So I’m sitting here at a loss
With feelings that I cannot toss
Did it happen, did it not?
I guess I must accept my lot
Trapped inside this unknown hell
Until you call to break the spell
I’ll never ask without support
I’ll die before I play that sport
I am here, and you are gone
It’s what you wanted all along

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