x6 (religion pt. 2)

It bothers me that I constantly have to justify myself to other people – especially when it comes to my religious ideals. When my boyfriend asks me why I love him, I say, “I don’t know. I just do.” And it’s left at that. When my boyfriend asks me why I’m Pagan, I say “It just feels right to me,” and that answer isn’t good enough. It goes back to my previous entry where I talked about having an idea instead of a belief. I’ve heard people say that agnostics are just lazy and need to figure out what they believe. But why does having a general idea make one lazy? Not everything is cut and dry, black or white. If not defining oneself makes someone happy, then why can’t they do that?

I did research. I looked around – I shopped – to see what religion was right for me once I realized that Catholicism wasn’t cutting it. Yes, I looked at it from a practical point of view. But practicality isn’t what sold me. What got me hooked was that connection to a higher being. When I do Pagan rituals, I feel something – I feel moved. When I think about the Goddess, I feel loved. When I tell people that I’m Pagan, there’s a little movement in my belly like butterflies and it makes me feel good. Shouldn’t religion and beliefs and ideas make everyone feel that way? It’s not meant to be just a repetition of rituals. It’s supposed to make you want to celebrate your connection to a god or goddess or whatever else you believe in.

So, if you ask me what I believe when it comes to religion, I’m not going to give you an answer. I don’t know what I believe. But I have an idea. I have faith. And I celebrate that faith. Isn’t that good enough?

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